On Our First Anniversary

gardens, castles, & Ebenezer stones

When Kyle and I started dating, I came across a poem prayer called “For Dating or Courtship.” [1] It gave me words for the vulnerable hopes that were budding like wildflowers without warning. Suddenly, ‘Kyle, 31’ aka ‘Facetime boy’ aka ‘Kind Kyle from Ohio’ [2] shifted from a guy I was getting to know across states through a glitchy dating app to the patient man pursuing me with grace and clarity. I was a bit jaded from dating and resistant at first, but after our first in-person date that lasted 10 hours, I didn’t want to go a day without talking to him.

"Here is where I am, O Lord --

I find myself drawn to one in whom I see
a striking beauty of personhood,
a depth of soul,
a sensitivity to goodness and truth, 
a vibrant intentionality of life and choice."

our first ‘serious’ picture taken together, taken a year to the day before our wedding day….little did we know ;)

I saw all of those things in Kyle, but especially a vibrant intentionality of life and choice. Everything he did had purpose and intention behind it. His pursuit of me was the first I had experienced in which I never questioned how he felt in the relationship or where he intended it to go — and I actually wanted to follow. He was always one step ahead of me, patient and gracious. Kyle led the way, but at the same time, I knew there was One who was one step ahead, leading him and leading me.

“So let me act now, and always in this relationship,
in ways that would honor and affirm
the tender investment of all who love this person.
Let me build on that good foundation, that
whatever the two of us create together
would be a blessing to all who know us.

Indeed, O Lord, give us in our shared hours wisdom 
to build well, that even if all we cultivate in partnership
is a small garden where friendship can grow,
it will still in its own humble way be a place
of encouragement and beauty that would
bring a smile and a joy to passers-by."

So began many shared hours, every weekend, despite the 6 hour round-trip car ride between Detroit, Michigan and Dayton, Ohio. The hours were spent surrounded by the friends and family who had tenderly invested in us as individuals, and now as a couple. Our own friendship grew as well over Facetime’s and texts, late phone calls and voice memo’s in the days apart. The weekends were sweet and Sundays were sad.

Until one Sunday, before I drove home, he told me he loved me, and I repeated those words without hesitation. That Sunday, we said goodbye embarrassingly giddy, repeating those words with delighted freedom, like a child babbling a newfound word, slowly grasping the weight of its meaning.

So that “small garden” begun. Seeds of hope were planted in the places of my heart that were once scorched by the heat of abuse and heartache. With this one, I could see the Master Gardener’s hand with clarity, sensing His heart through Kyle’s love on display for me.

Instead of grasping for or manipulating certainty as I had in past relationships, this was different. It was gradually given, with a steady depth that went beyond purely emotions.

I followed the peace and watched the Lord unfold His plan.

"Or if we awaken one day to the understanding
that what we were creating all along was
not just a garden of friendship, but an 
enduring love, and the foundations of a castle, and 
a tended ground where the remainder of our lives and
the lives of our children and grandchildren and
all of our friendships and all of our service to you,
O God, would be lived out together in a bond of
wedded love and intimacy, then all the more reason
we should build well and with intentionality and
unselfish love here at the beginning."

A year ago today, we laid the foundation of that '“castle” with our yes at the altar, standing before close friends and family, and our lives were changed with the words: I do.

Since that day, we have continued to build upon that foundation, Ebenezer stone after Ebenezer stone. Yes, I have learned a lot through our first year of marriage, and I could list how I have been changed and challenged. While there is a place for sharing those “lessons,” I ultimately want to celebrate because I am so grateful. Grateful for how I have seen God — in our conflict and in our drawing near in grace & forgiveness; in our struggles with so much change and in our resolve to care for the other; in our waiting and in our joy at answered prayer.

“Thus far the LORD has helped us.”

And as we seek Him, He will help again.

year one (:

---

[1] from one of my favorite books - Every Moment Holy

[2] see screenshot below of a texting convo I had with a friend the weekend of a bad date, another closed door, and right before I first Facetimed Kyle…yes, God did know what I needed (& still does)