Hi, hello, it’s been awhile.
// I unintentionally took over three months away from writing, but this essay from
and a reminder from a friend in a conversation about Sara’s article (that we should be “doing more honest writing like this”, s/o Michelle) inspired me to just get a post out. Ironically, the description of this Substack is “learning to be faithful to a faithful God in the ‘wilderness ‘seasons of life," and yet I’ve been hesitant to write while I’m in the middle. Of course, I’m writing on the Internet, and this is not a public diary. However, one thing I wish I would have done while I was still single, for example, is to write & share more honestly - both for my own benefit and others’.So, here is a short, unedited and unfiltered update: the past few months (and really, longer) have been a challenge. I’ve been in a long season of waiting with some disillusionment and disappointment. In light of that disappointment, I have had to regularly bring to God and others some incorrect views of His character. Pain can do that to you. Along with that, very well-timed, this summer I’m also revisiting the names of God revealed in the Old Testament, and it’s been comforting how consistent and true His character stands despite our up-and-down emotions.
Even through disappointment, He IS better. Even through disillusionment, He is the God who SEES. Even through seeming scarcity, He is the God who PROVIDES.
El Shaddai - the all-sufficent One. El Roi - the One who sees. Jehovah Jireh - the One who Provides.
I love the story of God providing manna in the wilderness - also the reason why I titled this blog the way I did - because so often, I see myself in the people of Israel. I complain to Him, and He provides the manna. There has never been a lack, never a lapse of provision, even if it hasn’t looked like I wanted. But it has also been better and sweet.
Sara’s words in her essay made me think - sometimes the manna feels like a breadcrumb trail. We take it - and eat - and are filled for that day. The next day comes, and the cycle repeats. We may not know why He doesn’t just provide the full meal like we want — the job, the child, the restored relationship, a healthy diagnosis, fill-in-the-blank. And yet, our dependence on the Lord is what brings us to Him. Manna might feel like a breadcrumb trail in those wilderness seasons, but we can also rest knowing it is not a cruel Master leading us to more danger and disappointment, but instead a Good Shepherd in whom we lack no good thing (Psalm 23:1; Psalm 84:11-12).
// I turned 31 on Easter Sunday this year. The days after, as I read the Gospel accounts of the events that occurred after Jesus’ death & resurrection and before His ascension back to heaven, God redirected me through two of Jesus’ interactions with His disciples:
The first was in Luke 24:13-25 - the resurrected Jesus meeting two men on the road to Emmaus. He began walking with these two men in their grief, and they had no idea. Their eyes were kept from recognizing Him, and yet the reality of who He was was independent of their recognition.
Two men of disappointed hope. Seemingly. One of them directly said “But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel” to the One who had just died and resurrected to allow the way to redeem not Israel from Roman captivity but something eternally greater — this man from the captivity of sin.
Jesus asked questions first, not to gain information — for He knows all— but to create space for them to be heard. But He did not keep them in their questions or hopelessness. He listened, then responded. “Beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, He interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning Himself.”
And their “hearts [burned] within [them] while He talked to [them] on the road, while He opened to [them] the Scriptures.” Their eyes were open to see — this was Jesus.
I was reminded that Jesus is walking beside you and me, whether we recognize Him or not. He sees our disappointment and doubt, and He offers out Himself. He listens, He teaches, He responds. He sees what’s actually happening, even if we only have a glimpse, and often carry incorrect understandings. And He is so gracious to walk with us, and He brings us to what is true.
The second was in John 21:18-22. Jesus is sitting with a few of the disciples, and Peter’s earlier denial of Jesus has been forgiven and redeemed, overwritten with confessions of love. And then, soon after, Jesus shares a glimpse of the hard path ahead of Peter. Peter’s response is so real; he looks to his friend also sitting there, John, and asks, essentially, “But what about him?!?”
Jesus’ words in response have been echoing in my mind these last few months. Maybe they are for you today as well.
Jesus said, “But what is that to you? You follow Me.”
Even quickly after experiences of renewal, forgiveness, love, and restoration, I can so easily go to Jesus and complain about the hard path He may be calling me to. But what about her?
What about him?
What about me?
His response is just as piercing, convicting, yet kind: What is that to you? You only need to follow Me.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Manna Sweet Like Honey
See my favorite chapter in the Bible - Exodus 16 - and previous letters for the reason why I title this section as such. ;) Here are a few examples of my “manna” lately, in all its forms.
What I’ve Been Reading
Is Easter Unbelievable?: Four Questions Everyone Should Ask about the Resurrection Story by Rebecca McLaughlin
Super short and highly readable book. Gives an overview of why we can believe in the historical resurrection of Jesus and why it matters. Very similar style to her book on why the Christmas story matters and why we can believe it to be true. Rebecca McLaughlin, as always, is a great writer, so intelligent, and uses pop culture references and analogies to keep it engaging.
A Living Hope by She Reads Truth
An encouraging and convicting curation of Scripture readings to study, especially after Easter! This is a three-week study book, with the first week focusing on the events that occurred between the resurrection and the ascension of Christ, and then the last two weeks focusing on why the resurrection matters to the Christian life & faith. Loved doing this study after Easter, but it would also be great at any time! There are encouraging study extras too focusing on the hope we have as Christians because of the resurrection. Yes, I got this for free because I work for SRT, but I would totally buy this too. ;)
Anxiety: Anatomy and Cure by Robert Kellemen
A short, encouraging booklet on anxiety. Focuses specifically on the book of Philippians and how we can apply its truths to the experience of anxiety. It was helpful for me to read to reorient some of my thinking that so easily falls to fear, and it’s motivated me to go back and study Philippians again.
What If It’s Wonderful?": Release Your Fears, Choose Joy, and Find the Courage to Celebrate by Nicole Zasowski
I resonated so much with this book. Written by a Christian therapist, the author weaves her training & background in counseling, stories from her clients as well as her own struggles - particularly with infertility, as well as truths from Scripture to point the reader to the necessity of hope & celebration in the life of a believer. Sounds cheesy, but there is minimal cheese. 😉 If you struggle with allowing yourself to hope because of past disappointments, this book is for you. So good.
Also, I checked off a couple things from my 31st year goals list. (Yes, I have one, and I know that’s semi-nerdy or maybe completely) — ✔️ get a local library card ✔️ start reading more fiction. I’m still trying to find fiction that I can genuinely get into (I started In Five Years and The Measure, and those weren’t it). But my TBR stack feels promising! I’ll take any get-completely-lost-in-the-story fiction recs. :))
What I’ve Been Cooking
Trying to get out of a cooking funk, but these three recipes were a highlight the past few months!
Overnight Cinnamon Roll Bread with Chai Frosting
I made this when some friends came to visit a few months ago and loved it so much I made it for my birthday “cake.” Absolutely worth the effort, but honestly, it’s not as intimidating you may think if you’re a non-baker like me.
California Pizza Kitchen Copycat Italian Chopped Salad
We got this salad chopper as a wedding gift, and I have been allllll about chopped salads this spring/summer!
Healthy Blueberry Baked Oatmeal
A mix & dump recipe that’s great for meal prep or hosting a larger group for breakfast! It’s also great leftover. :)
Other Things I’m Grateful for Lately
(pictured, in no particular order) Cute cards and visits from feel-like-home Michigan friends. Time with my coworkers off of Zoom. Fancy hotel reprieves of fluffy robes and an actual Peloton on a long work trip. Ohio hikes. Celebrating my 31st birthday and, later, Kyle’s 33rd. Last-minute Taylor Swift tickets with new(er) friends.
(not pictured, in no particular order) This 5-year prayer journal from Hosanna Revival. Marco Polo “Day in the Life” group. Parks & Rec. Listening to this thought-provoking podcast on a road trip up to Michigan. My new nephew. The opportunity to lead a summer women’s Bible study on the names of God. Firsthand stories of God’s beautiful pursuit. Proactive marriage counseling. Starting a weekly small group and co-leading with Kyle & another couple. Those new friends. Our church. Grace.
That’s all for today! I’ll see ya same time next month for another reflection & favorite things recap (at least that’s the plan ha), and hopefully before then with some other words. ;) Until then, I’d love to hear what you have been learning and loving!
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